As a Caregiver it’s pretty easy to feel like a victim. You are stressed and scared and overwhelmed. You are so busy taking care of someone else that you’ve stopped taking care of yourself. And the worst part is that the only way this ends is with death and then you have to deal with grief and learning how to cope with life without your loved one.
That is your reality. There is nothing you can do about that. But what is an absolute truth is that YOU are not dying. Your loved one is. YOU have not been diagnosed with a fatal illness, your loved one has. And at the end of all of this it is not YOU that passes away, your loved one does.
As a Caregiver, I would sit in my room and cry for hours. I would sit and write in my journal about how difficult my life was. I walked around each day with an ongoing monologue running in my head about how miserable my situation was. How unfair, how unjust! And then one day I woke up and realized how backwards I had it.
I had been given a job. The Universe had decided that I was entirely capable of handling my life and the person it was “unjust” to was my mother. She was allowed to cry for hours. After weekly doses of chemo, she was validated to write in her journal about how difficult her life was. I believe in destiny. I had been born to love her and to care for her. My entire purpose at that point was to make sure that she felt supported. My only mission was to offer her a peaceful transition from this life to the next.
That is your only mission. Believe me when I tell you, after your loved one passes you will have plenty of time to cry and wallow in your misery. You will be correct when declaring how unfair this all is and you will finally be able to step back and mourn for the life and time you can’t get back.
But until then, snap out of it! This isn’t about you. Every morning wake up with the intention to make your loved ones life as easy as possible. Create time and moments that are designed to elevate their level of comfort and positivity. Make your only goal each and every day to exceed the amount of care you offered the day before.
You are never given more than you can handle. You have been chosen because you are stronger than you have ever realized. Know that, and move forward like the soldier you are.