My own story

Many of you have asked what my own background with Caregiving is....
As the holidays approach, I think of my parents.
In 2007, my mother, Anandi, passed away from Breast Cancer. It was a long battle and one she endured twice.
When she was diagnosed, for the second time, in 2003 I became her primary caretaker. I drove her to chemotherapy and sat during her treatments, I gave injections and learned how to cook foods she could tolerate. I helped her dress and held her hand at night while she cried in pain. I became friends with her nurses and doctors and became too familiar with which hospital had the best coffee.
It seemed as if overnight I became an adult. Id gone from being the party girl to the girl who sat up at night watching her mother breathe, just to make sure…
And in 2007, as Hospice moved into our home, I became the woman who rubbed her feet and played her Nina Simone and cried with her because we both knew this was the end.
During this time, I was desperate for help and advice. I would scour bookstores for information to help me understand what I was going through. The books were depressing and written by people decades older than me. I needed somebody who understood why, at times, I was angry that I was being forced into this role. Someone who could explain why, at 27, while I watched my friends enjoy life and get engaged and married I was sitting at home feeling guilty because I felt like I was being robbed of that life. I needed a voice to laugh with me and totally understand why wine had become my closest companion. And when she passed in 2007, I longed for the validation that it was okay to feel a sense of relief because the war we had been fighting was now over.
Those books didn’t exist. It was through Yoga and meditation and the prayers and love of family and friends that I survived losing the love of my life.
A few years later, my father was diagnosed with Cancer. We had a very difficult relationship, and I had years of resentment built up. In fact, until I was called and told that he was laying in a coma, I had barely spoken to him. The angry child in me, wanted to let him lay there. And when he awoke, I struggled with not wanting to give him the same care and love that I had given my mother. I didn’t feel like he deserved it. Thankfully, he had a wonderful woman in his life, who cared for him deeply and took care of him in his day to day. But as his daughter, I knew that I couldn’t let him pass without coming to peace with our relationship. I knew that if I wanted to feel peace in my soul, I had to go to him. And so, I went. I sat by his side in the hospital and his home and held his hand and told him I loved him and I forgave him. I did crossword puzzles with him and watched the news and filled him in on the woman I had become. And when he passed, I knew that I had done the right thing. That I had finally released the anger, because the truth is holding on to anger only hurts you.
I write this to you, because I believe that I have been dealt with all of this to help people. I believe that everything happens for a reason and you must find the lesson in your trials. And it is with this holiday season that I am grateful and thankful that I am now at a place in my life where I can help others.
I am starting this blog, because I want a place for people to ask questions. For people to ask for advice. For those who are caring for a parent, or family member or even if you are a friend of a caregiver, I want you to have a voice speaking to you that is young and one that is firmly aware of all that you are going through. I want to be for you, what I didn’t have.
You can post questions and concerns here. You can email me directly if you wish at harmonysh@yahoo.com. I will never share your identity if you would prefer me not to. I want only for this to be a safe place for me to help you. Because, honey I have been through it all!
And today, I stand happy and strong and at peace…